Jerry Maguire Deleted Scenes – Michael Jordan Bachelor Party

INT.  FANCY HOTEL SUITE — NIGHT

Jerry, enters the hotel suite and over-acts the surprise.  He falls down, clutching his heart, feigning an attack.  He looks around for a bigger reaction than he actually gets.

THE FILM — SHOWN ON BIG-SCREEN T.V.

It is hosted by MICHAEL JORDAN.

MICHAEL JORDAN

I have often wondered where my career would have been had Jerry Maguire been my agent.  The answer – Yogoslavia.

Tepid laughs, as many of the agents turn and grab furtive looks at Maguire, who stands at the back of the room with his friend BILL DOOLER.  Dooler, husky, 30, looks like a beatnik on steroids.

DOOLER

You hear those courtesy laughs, Jerry?  There is a seething wrongness at the edges of this party.

JERRY

Oh come on —

DOOLER

This is fuckin Michael Jordan, man!  They should be screaming.

JERRY
(eying crowd)

You’re imagining it.

They are joined by unctuous agent Bob Sugar.  Sugar is a Maguire wannabee.  Puts an arm on Jerry’s shoulder.

SUGAR

We still having lunch tomorrow, Jerry?  Looks like Carl Denton tested positive for marijuana.  That moves Cush solidly up to numero uno in the draft.

 

DOOLER

Oh, that’ll really help this party!  Let’s all talk business!

 

JERRY

Dooler, you know Bob Sugar.

 

SUGAR
(smoothly)

The best commercial director in the business.  I hail you.

 

DOOLER

Sorry I yelled.  You have exquisite taste.

SUGAR

Everybody’s having a great time.  You’re both nuts — the movie’s great.

Sugar moves on, cheerfully.

DOOLER

I like that guy.

(The movie, which plays simultaneously with the conversation, is a Hi-8 confessional of Jerry’s former girlfriends.  MICHAEL JORDAN is cut into this, nodding, as if he were actually interviewing.  The effect is funny, but the confessions are brutally honest.  There is The One He Was Too Good For, The One He Wasn’t Good Enough For (“He hated being alone.”) The Still In Love Girlfriend, The Punk Rock girlfriend (“Sports makes me ill”), The Now Married With Kids Girlfriend, The Cynical Girlfriend (“Beneath the cute exterior, more cute exterior.”) The Purely Sexual Girlfriend, The Brainy Girlfriend, (“Great at friendship, bad at intimacy”) and even the Girlfriend Who Does a Great Jerry Imitation (rubbing her face, she does a flawless Jerry-on-his-way-to-the-airport).  All seem to agree on some basic points (and if necessary maybe Jordan narrates the following information to underscore it.) Jerry always has a girlfriend, and many met him on the first day he’d broken up with the last one.  The relationship always completes with his job, and the job always wins.  The final confrontation happens somewhere around the 18-month mark.  Sequence ends with Avery in character, wielding a blowtorch, threatening to burn all these old phone numbers.)

JERRY
(wounded good sport)

… this is… uh… too funny…

DOOLER

They ain’t laughing, man.  Something’s wrong.

Jerry nods, takes a swig of beer.  He knows the response is little more than polite.  None of the other agents can keep eye contact with him.  Dooler is right.  On the screen, the finale features a good-humored collage of Jerry photos, cut to music.