Singles Deleted Scenes – The Male Bathroom Contains All Secrets


The LOUD SUCK of a milk-steamer. Janet busies herself with the customers.


Janet. Double latte cinnamon
Sumatra with steamed one percent



She passes Cliff behind the counter. No sense of history.


(Caffeine drama)
…Is it just me, or do all guys’
apartments smell like Budweiser?

Nearby, Bailey puts down his newspaper for a moment. He senses a Debbie story coming on.


Particularly ,the rugs. I mean, I
know this, and still I was waiting
for Mr. Groovey Bachelor to invite
me to stay over at his place. For
two months he tells me, ‘the
bedding’s not ready, the bedding’s
not together – – can we stay at
your house? So on Saturday . . .
two days ago, Saturday . . . I
surprise him. I’m in the
neighborhood, I ‘drop by.’ I ask
to use the bathroom, and he says,
‘Wait, I have to clean up a
little’ . . . and I’m standing there
listening to all the drawers,
things being moved . . . and finally
he walks out. ‘It’s ready,’ he
says . . . Hmmmm . . . okay, so I go
into the bathroom, knowing that
the male bathroom contains all
secrets, and I find blonde hairs
on the towel, Daisy shavers,
Prell . .. Prell! . . . all stuffed in
a drawer. So I’ve locked the door,
right, and then I quietly open the
window – – two story place with a
walkway – – and I yell through the
door, ‘I know about that blonde!
What’s the purpose of life if I
can’t be all yours, Mark? I’m
already off this guy in my head,
right, but I yell this and I
scream and drop a glass and I leave
through the window, real quiet,
with him beating on the door . . .
I’ll have another double latte, no
cream, skim-milk, decaf, Cliff . . .
(jewelry clangs)
Personal record. Fourteen phone
messages from him. He is gone gone
gone. I have his ticket to Cabo
to my roommate Pam. His ring line
will be gone by the weekend.

Debbie holds her ringless finger next to her face.


You scare me.


I like men.